- Lyrics
- Album list
Various Artists
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Steam Engine
Understand something, people.
Lying will ruin your life.
Lying will ruin your goddamn life.
Lying ruined my marriage.
True shit, sweetie.
Lying ruined my goddamn marriage.
That's a lie, I cheated.
(crowd laughs)
Let's talk about it, though,
let's figure it out.
Don't judge me. Let me explain. Um...
Yes. Yes, people, I cheated.
Am I ashamed of it? No. No, I am not.
Do I wish that I could take it back?
No. No, I don't. Let me tell you why.
You can't evolve as a man
if you never make a mistake.
The only way that you could be perfect
is to fuck up.
I get it, I fucked up.
'Don't cheat.' Nah! Whatever.
Now, do I.
Do I think cheating was the problem?
No, I don't.
Cheating was not the problem.
Lying about cheating was the problem.
If I'd had been honest about it,
might have worked it out.
But I wasn't. I lied.
And I didn't just lie on myself,
I put my best friend in my lie.
Now I don't think that's a bad thing to do.
Let me explain why.
If you're my best friend,
I shouldn't have to ask you to lie for me.
I shouldn't have to ask your permission
for me to put you in my lie.
You know why? 'Cause you're my
best fucking friend, bitch.
That's your job.
The day that we signed up
and said that we best friends,
that means that
(pointing back and forth)
my bullshit is your bullshit.
And your bullshit is my bullshit.
If you're my real best friend,
you should know that I need you
to lie for me by the look on my face.
If I'm looking at you
and I'm not blinking, if I'm like this…
(staring wide eyed with his hands open)
(crowd laughs)
that's a goddamn sign.
That means, 'The bitch got the drop on us.
My back is against the wall.
This is not a test.
It's the real deal, help me! Help me!
(very exaggerated)
Nigga! Help me!
My friend Harry ignored all signs, okay?
Let me tell you how shit hit the fan.
I come in the house, right?
Come in the house,
like, 4: 00 in the morning.
I'm drunk, people. Drunk as shit.
I have no balance. I'm all over the place.
I'm rocking back and forth.
Soon as I walk in the house,
she wakes up, she goes off.
'You know what? I'm sick of this.
I know you's probably out with some bitch.
You was probably
messing with some bitch.'
Now, I'm drunk, I don't wanna respond,
because I don't have any balance.
I'm rocking back and forth.
You don't look believable
when you're rocking back and forth.
So I had to choose a stance
in which I looked believable.
So I chose this.
(standing with his legs in a lunging position and his hands at head level)
I said, 'Let me tell you something,
listen to me.
'Wasn't nobody with no bitch, okay?
You're wrong.
Matter of fact, to prove you wrong,
I'm gonna call Harry.
Harry not expecting me to call right now,
so Harry don't have no reason to lie.
And I'm gonna put it on speakerphone.
(pointing)
About to make you feel stupid. Watch this.
Watch how fucking stupid you feel.
Watch. Watch this.
(dialing his phone)
Harry. Harry, real quick, don't lie.'
Let's stop right there.
(Crowd laughs)
Let's just stop right there for a second.
What does that mean?
What does that mean, people?
Find more lyrics at ※ Mojim.com
Lie. It means, lie. Right now.
That means, 'The bitch got the drop on us.
My back is against the wall.
This is not a test.
It's the real deal, help me! Help me!
(very exaggerated)
Nigga! Help me!'
Harry ignored all signs.
I'm gonna tell you exactly what Harry said.
I said, 'Harry. Harry, real quick, don't lie.
Where're we coming from right now?'
He said, 'Man, you was with that
bitch with the fat ass.'
(In his strange girl like voice)
'What? Oh, no.
'No, no, no, no.
'Oh, no. No, no, no, no.'
Yo.
(high pitched voice)
I was so fucking scared.
I was so scared.
I mean, this bitch gonna kill me.
She's gonna fucking kill me.
(normal voice)
See, but understand
something. I'm not mad at Harry.
The reason I'm not mad at Harry
is because Harry has done some dumb shit,
but I understand who he is.
See, Harry might be the smartest dumbest
friend that I've ever had in my life, okay?
Let me tell you the dumbest thing
that Harry has ever done.
Harry invented the code for us to use
to let each other know
when we were around our women.
Basically, if somebody used the code,
it means, 'Don't say anything stupid.
You might be on speakerphone.
Don't say nothing dumb.
The phone might be loud enough so my girl
can hear whatever it is you're saying.'
It means, 'Don't say anything
that could jeopardize our relationship.'
The code was, 'Man, I'm hungry as shit.'
That's the code, people.
'Man, I'm hungry as shit.'
Here's what pissed me off about the code.
(exaggerated)
Harry invented the fucking code.
So there's no reason
why Harry should have messed up the code.
Here's how Harry messes it up.
I'm in the car with my lady.
I'm driving, she's in the passenger seat.
Harry calls me when I'm in the car.
I got the Bluetooth shit in the car,
so my phone rings, the whole car rings.
Harry's name pops up on the dashboard.
I answer, 'What up, boy?'
'Kev, what's going on?'
'Ain't shit.'
This is how I knew the conversation
was about to take a turn for the worse.
This is how I knew it was
about to get filthy. He said,
'Nigga!'
(blank stare and strange look along with noises)
'Harry, hey, hey.
Man, I'm hungry as shit!'
He said, 'I'm not. I just ate.'
'What? What! Harry!'
Harry!
Harry!' I said, 'Man, I'm hungry as shit.'
He says, 'Yo, you should go to Subway
and get the footlong for five dollars.'
'What the fuck! Harry! Harry!'
I said, 'Man, I'm hungry as shit.'
He said, 'Oh, that must mean
you're ready to eat these white bitches.'
(In his strange girl like voice)
'What? Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no.
No, no, no.
I ain't eating no white bitch.
I ain't eating no white bitches.
'I never did. Oh, my God, no. Oh, no.'
(normal voice)
Yo, have you ever
been in trouble with your girl
to the point where
you're afraid to look at her,
(pointing to his head)
but you can feel her staring
at the side of your goddamn face?
I was so scared, I never looked at her.
I just looked straight and
started making dumb-ass noises.
(beatbox noises while driving)
I started pointing out shit.
'Oh, look, a deerbra!
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