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Victoria Wood
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Pam
Can I tell you who I am? I'm Pamela Patricia, but they call me Pam. I don't like shorts or slingback shoes, My only pair of trousers are my gardening trews.
I don't say who, I do say whom, I never use the toilet, just the smallest room. I don't say gay, I still say quere, I think that Mussolini had the right idea.
Got engaged in '62, Got married in the April, in a nice pale blue; It all turned sour, to say the least, I was stuck in Abagelli with a sex-crazed beast.
Our wedding night, I heard a cough, There was Harold in the doorway with his 'jamas off; Now look, I said, I must be blunt, I couldn't give a beggar's on the whole sex front.
Not me, not my scene, I prefer a game of Rummy and an Ovaltine. Harold, dear, do get dressed, I've seen one in a book and I was not impressed.
Once divorced, I lived alone, Then chummed up with a woman by the name of Joan. She moved in, she seemed quite nice, Wore army boots and braces, but I didn't think twice.
Then one night, she seemed upset, I said, are you not happy in my maisonette? She drained her rum and baby sham, Ran her fingers through her crewcut, said I love you Pam.
I didn't faint, I didn't scream, Just carried on demolishing my custard cream. She said, won't you come upstairs with me? I'll show you just how wonderful a love can be.
I said alright, but don't be late, There's a thing by Alan Bennett on at half past eight. Well, up we go, and off she went, 更多更詳盡歌詞 在 ※ Mojim.com 魔鏡歌詞網 But the only thing that happened was my specs got bent.
Not me, how I feel, I'd rather have a coffee and a wagon wheel; Joan, dear, do get dressed, No woman over forty suits a mauve stringed vest.
Then last year to beat the blues, I booked myself a cabin on a ten day cruise; So much to do, so much to see, With a load of single women who look just like me.
Then one night, I clicked like that, With a bachelor named Billy in a golfing hat. We were so happy, hand in hand, Listening to a lecture on the prostate gland.
I told him sex had been no go, He took it as a challenge and we went below. We kissed and hugged without delay, He tried to take my rainhood off, I said no way.
He said I bet you ten whole pounds, Pam, I bet you have an orgasm while I'm around. He got stuck in, he really tried, But I only felt a tremour down my left hand side.
Not me, that's my boast, I prefer a bit of ironing and a round of toast. Bill, dear, do get dressed, But he just fell over groaning as he clutched his chest.
He went: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh... It was that type of sound.
Bill was dead, he died for me, They took him on a stretcher as I drank my tea. But as I poured another cup, I thought, I never had that orgasm... I'm ten quid up!
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