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Attila the Stockbroker
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The Zen Stalinist Manifesto
Playing golf or being otherwise dull with malice aforethought watching TV for more than ten hours a week discussing soap operas (or any TV programmes or adverts in the case of a stand-up comedian on stage) and becoming obsessed with the work of Quentin Tarantino Damien Hirst or William Burroughs will become a criminal offence punishable by five years' enforced participation in a non-stop mime juggling and face painting workshop in Slough. The Berlin Wall will be rebuilt - only five metres higher. It will keep people out. People like the World Bank the International Monetary Fund the Spice Girls Price Waterhouse Goldman Sachs Jeffrey Archer William Archer Peter Mandelson Helmut Kohl and Boris Yeltsin. Peter Lilley and Michael Portillo will suffer immediate retrospective abortion. In order to combat the increasing danger to civilised society posed by pig-ignorant misogynistic right-wing testosterone-poisoned road rage specialists theme gulags will be introduced for anyone who drives a van with scratches down the side and shouts at or otherwise intimidates lone women drivers at roundabouts or buys shares in industries which belonged to him in the first place. These gulags will all be situated on Rockall and will have three themes: Saturday night in August on the Costa Del Sol auction day at the used car emporium on Shoreham seafront and happy hour in a Harlow theme pub. All themes will run 24 hours a day 365 days a year and inmates will be able to nominate their chosen theme on arrival. No theme changing will be allowed hut Clash albums chess sets and copies of 'The Ragged-Trousered Philanthropists' will be available for rehabilitation purposes. Tight security will be enforced. Theme gulags will be surrounded by large, deep moats filled with soya milk and real ale guarded by pitbullfrogs and kept under constant surveillance by hundreds of high court judges watching from carefully constructed ivory towers. 更多更詳盡歌詞 在 ※ Mojim.com 魔鏡歌詞網 Boris Yeltsin will finally be recognised as the traitor and Judas he is and made to spend the rest of his days cleaning out the toilets at the Glastonbury Festival. With his tongue. Every Western government leader and the entire staff of the United Nations will be forced to walk naked through the burnt-out towns and mass graves in what used to be the Socialist Federation of Yugoslavia and then have the words 'Marshall Tito was right' tattooed on their foreheads. A Zen Stalinist National Curriculum will be introduced into schools. Albanian - both dialects, Gheg and Tosk - will become compulsory as a foreign language. Reading Geoffrey Archer and supporting Crystal Palace will become not just highly illegal but indicative of a disturbed mental state requiring instant frontal lobotomy. The Alarm will reform. All school students will have to attend morning assembly and sing the new National Anthem: '68 Guns' by The Alarm. Mike Peters of The Alarm will become the new Welsh football manager with David Icke as his assistant. The Royal Family will be allowed to remain as figureheads but will have to join The Alarm. Billy Bragg will become next in line to the throne and rhythm guitarist in The Alarm. All game show hosts and everyone who works for the Sun and the Times Literary Supplement will be shot. Their executions will be videoed an acid house soundtrack will be added and huge week-long parties known as 'graves' will begin. Ken Livingstone and his pet newt Dennis will become Prime Minister and Chancellor of the Exchequer. All privatised industries will be renationalised without compensation and a huge TV and poster campaign will be launched saying simply 'Tell Sid tough shit.' The Queen will be privatised and promoted to lead singer of The Alarm. The first Zen Stalinist Five Year Plan will be published declaring world peace and social surrealism and the dark nightmare of monetarist madness will finally come to an end. For ever.
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