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Kevin Hart
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Marriage Is a Job
What up, ATL?
I'm in a good mood today.
I'm in a good mood, am.
I am seriously.
I'm in a good mood.
I'm gonna have a baby, my wife is pregnant.
I'm going to be a dad.
I'm married, man.
Marriage - I'm gonna tell you something - marriage is a JOB.
I wish someone had explained it to me before I got married -Marriage is a 24 hour job: when you get married, you are no longer an individual.
You can't do nothing by yourself when you're married.
Everything is a team effort: 'us,' 'we,' 'let's,' 'honey, come on,' 'partner,' yeah!
You can't do nothing by yourself:
Baby, I'm gonna be right back - I'm gonna go to the store'
Oh wait, let me grab my coat!'
Bitch, it's right there on the corner!...
I'm.
Just wanna get some chips, I ain't gonna sleep with nobody!...
I just...
Get your coat, come on!'
I can't stand, I'm getting frustrated, man. '
Cause we argue a lot.
But our arguments are violent.
Have you ever argued with a female, man, and in the middle of the argument you no longer feel safe?
You know what I'm talkin' about?
Because of her actions, she might start pacing back and forth real fast, breathin' out of her nose?
When my wife get real mad she start talking in the third person.
Now that's some scary shit, Ima tell you why - '
Cause that's a woman's way of telling you that from this point on she's not responsible for none of her actions.
Honestly.
It's like, it's like she forget that she's real for five minute and she just start yelling:
See, Kevin!
You know what your problem is??
You don't think Tori CRAZY, do you?!'
'... (
What?) ...
Baby, I thought...
I thought you was Tori?...'
Oh, see!
See!!
You think she playin'!!'
Wait a minute...
Wait a minute...!'
I got so scared that I started talking in third person:
Wait, no Kevin don't, he...
He don't think she's playing, he just don't know where she at, it's dark in here.
I don't like this game.
No, I don't wanna play this...
I don't feel safe is what I'm saying.
I'm scared.
Okay?
I'm not afraid to say that I'm scared.'
Too much pressure.
I don't like pressure.
That's why I need my space.
I like my space.
I like to play Playstation by myself.
Women - let me explain something to ya'll - Playstation is not a game.
It's some serious shit.
It's a way of life.
Men - we take Playstation serious, we buy books on it, we study it, we try to become the best in the world.
Women - ya'll don't understand that.
You know what I'm sayin'?
So, I'm home, I'm playing my game - she comes home, see me playin' and she gets excited:
Does it have two players on it?
We can bond!
We can do it together, this could be great for us!'
No, it won't bitch 'cause it's MY game!
I don't want you to fuckin' play.
I don't want you to play my game.
Get the hell outta here, it's MY game.'
She kept asking: '
Find more lyrics at ※ Mojim.com
No, it's good for us!
Come on, let's play together, let's do it!'
So I was like fine, you know what - I'm gonna practice on you for the tournament with my friends later.
So, we start playing the game, right - this is some serious stuff right now, I'm not lying - we playing the game.
She beat me eight times in a row.
Now, I'm not mad that she beat me eight time in a row, I was mad at HOW she beat me. '
Cause I'm doing the codes, I study.
You know, when you start losing, you look over at the other person to see what they doing.
And I look over and she pressin' ONE button.
Her man just kept doing this, he just kept...
That's all he was doing, I couldn't block shit, he just kept doing this right here.
I got mad and broke the game, '
Get the hell off the game!' We got into a fist fight over Playstation.
Ya know, I'm gonna tell you something: Men - we never plan to fist fight a woman.
That's not our plan.
We try to scare you.
We try to yell at you.
Sit down!
Sit down, girl!
I'm crazy!!
I'll kill you in here!!
SIT DOWN!!'
Because we think that when we say that, that you're gonna think, '
Oh my god, I've never seen him yell like this, I should sit down because he might be crazy.' That's what we think that you're gonna think.
But you women - ya'll think something completely different.
Ya'll on a whole different page: '
Fuuucck youuu!
Naaaaaahhh!!!'
Can one woman in here tell me what this is, what is this right here, what's this: '
Wahhhhh!!!
Wooooaahhh!!!' (?) What is this, '
Wooooeaahhhh!!!' (?)
There ain't no defense for that 'cause you don't know what the hell it is!
Ey, ey!
What the hell is that???'
Wooooeeaaahhhh!!!!!'
I'm gonna tell you how I knew I lost my fight 'cause when the cops came to my house, they asked ME that if I wanted to press charges.
That's how I know that it didn't go like I'd plan to?
Because I didn't, no I didn't know that I lost but I thought that it was kind of a good fight.
But when the cop came, the way that he looked at me I knew that something was wrong because he was so concerned he was like, '
Oh...
Uh, damn.
Um, I mean do you want to press charges, man?'
I was like, '
What the hell you talkin' about, you need to be asking her that!'
He was like, '
From the looks of things, no I don't.
Look at your face, man!'
And she's in background all hyped like, '
Yeah!
Tori beat his ass, didn't she!!
Tori beat his ass!!!'
And the cop was like, '
Who the hell is '
Tori' and how many of them is there?'
I was like, '
It's her but she be talking in third person when she get mad.'
Now, I tried to tell him what happened but I was emotional.
And you know, when you're emotional, your emotions always get the best of you.
And that's what happened to me while I was trying to tell him what happened.
I was like, '
Alright, I'm straight up I'm gonna tell you what happened, just gonna straight up tell you what happened: I just um, I just got a Playstation and...
I'm in the house playing my Playstation...
I was just playing my game and...
and she just come...
she came from the back and... '
And the cop couldn't understand me so I got frustrated: '
Aaaaaaaaahhhh!!!'
My name's Kevin Hart, ya'll been real.
That's love.
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